My Dog Died Today

She was my best friend. No matter what, she loved me best and
unconditionally. I was lucky to have her for 15 years, more than many dogs
live, I know. I am not quite sure right now where to go, what to think, how
to move on. Sometimes the grief is so overwhelming it feels surreal.
Until Phoenix got really old she went to work with me every day. She
was my co-pilot. She followed me around the house and slept next to me at
night for over 15 years, up until the day she died. She was part of my life
before my wife and my kids, and helped me navigate through the ups and
downs.
It's funny, she seemed to have developed and matured at the same pace
as I have. She wasn't the most friendly dog at the beginning. She had a
select few humans she liked, but she really didn't have time for most
people (same as me). If someone got too close, she tended to growl (same as
me). She really didn't want to be touched by anyone other than her select
few, and hugs were not welcome (same as me). And she didn't have much
time for other dogs (same as me). The funny thing is, as she got older
and had a family and kids, she seemed to mellow. She could seek out other
people and feel more secure (same as me). Suddenly, growling was no longer
her first instinct. She tended to give people a chance and to let them
"in'' (same as me). She could suddenly enjoy and appreciate being close to
people, and I think she realized that life was better if you let the
defenses down a bit -- not all the way, of course (same as me).
I would like to think she's in a better place now, where she can run
after tennis balls endlessly and soar over 3-foot fences with ease, like
she did in her youth. Where she can run into the surf after a ball (better
than any dog) and come back triumphant and proud -- again, like she once
did. And I would like to think that she knows without any doubt how much I
love her and miss her and how grateful I am she was in my life.
That is what I'd like to think today....